Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
