did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
