Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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