I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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