I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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