Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
