I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
