I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Randomize
