is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
