I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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