It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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