The police scanner is talking about you again....
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
