its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
