Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize