it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
