i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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