needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
