My liver just broke up with me...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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