I wish i was in the wii world.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize