dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
