At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
