I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
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The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
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Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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