i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Randomize
