I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
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