Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
