So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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