I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
