..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
