I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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