Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
