Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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