I seem to have left my pride at pride
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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