Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
