I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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