she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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