like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
