Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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