I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Enjoy the penises
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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