he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
