Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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