just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
