So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
