she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
