Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
