The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
