mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Quick, to the slutcave!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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