sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
