Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
