You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
