you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
