I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
