I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
