in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
