Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
