nut hugger
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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