I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
