You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
