So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
try to milk me bitch
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