Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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