You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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