i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize