It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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