I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
